Being Brilliant in a World of Idiots

I have decided is the working title of the book I am never going to write...Why? Because only narcassist's write books with this kind of title and I prefer other "friendlier" labels. Like from an artist's perspective "inspired" or from a feminist viewpoint "empowered." These words help one feel creative and wonderful instead of just feeling like an asshole.

In my line of work, they call this "compassion fatigue."  When you just don't give a crap that there is starving children in Africa or that the meat in your burger isn't free-range, organic to the max/this cow had a wonderful life before it became your dinner...This is a sign that it a time for a break/vacation, but when one is self-employed, this becomes tricky, because there is no paid time off, no sabbatical...damn corporate bennies are looking real good about now...

The "I'm Pretty" Speech

Despite my initial repulsion by "He," I ended up seeing him again. "Why," you ask? Because of my mother. The poor woman wants me to be happy (& grandchildren). So, when she advised me that I should give "He" another chance, even after I told her he wasn't Christian or white, coming from my mother, that's real desperation. Besides, a number of my friends didn't like their husbands at first either, maybe they sort of grow on you, like brussel sprouts or Chinese food.

So, "He" & I met for an afternoon stroll in GGP. I was late, oops, and he was antsy, but eventually we were on our way. It was nice, the conversation and the silly flirting. I even let him buy me a coke (GASP, I know;) But then the time came for the walk home and I was spent. It is hard work getting to know someone! And this being an unusually warm San Francisco day, I was wearing a sundress (sans tights, that never happens!), but my date was wearing a dark, long sleeved shirt so when he attempted to put his arm around me, it was too hot and I shied away. Plus, I have huge "birthing" hips, so walking that way doesn't really work for me anyway. Second attempt, "Look," I said, "It is hot today." To which "He" giggled. Then, the time came to say good-bye and "He" was standing a little too close. "My God," I thought, "He's going to try to kiss me! Even after I shot down the cuddling, walky thingy!" So, I decided to cut him off at the pass (or take him out at the knees, which ever saying applies here...) and English being his third language, I had to dumb it down - a lot. "Look, I'm pretty," I say. "And guys wanna sleep with me, but I'm not into that...I've enjoyed (some) of our chats, but I'm not going to kiss you today or any day soon." Verbal Smack. And again, "He" giggled...stating he loves my independence and my honesty and tried to set up a lunch date for the following week. "Sorry," I said, "Busy week..."

Back in the Saddle Again...

After a few years of intentionally not dating, I got back in the saddle on Friday with the first, of hopefully, many dates to come....

In typical city fashion, I met my date at a Muni bus stop. Faking idiot foreigner, he asked me questions about the direction and cost of the bus, then proceeded to sit next to me on the bus. My usual reaction to this sort of behavior is a look of disgust followed by changing seats, but something made me stick around this time...

"He" is a journalist visiting in order to familiarize himself with American culture to broaden his perspective (admirable) and work on his English. So, when I realized I was so interested in our conversation that I missed my bus stop, I gave him my card.

I had almost forgotten about him when a week later he called and apologized for not contacting me sooner due to an out-of-town research trip. Polite and considerate, I thought, I like that...

Being the good Eastern European that he is, he proceeded to ask me out for coffee, but being naturally anxious, I decided to up the anty and meet up for beers at my favorite beer garden.

The first hour of dissecting American culture was interesting, the second was downright boring. This was FRIDAY, I wanted to drink beer and talk shit with friends, but instead was stuck on my overly intellectual first date with someone who ordered Budweiser and french fries, neither of which were on the menu. When "he" proceeded to drink his beer, pinky raised, I began to nod obligingly while daydreaming about the possibilities of this date. Did this guy want a green card? I've heard of foreigners paying tons of money to Americans who marry them in order to get a green card. Or wait, was "he" secretly gay and wanted to escape the oppressive culture he lived in by "marrying" me while maintaining a secret life on the side? So sneaky! These conspiracy theories helped me make it through the next hour before life took us in other directions.

But I was left pondering, who is this man? What does he want from me? What do I want from him? Do I want anything from him? With the unusual sunny weather I haven't seen him without his sunnies, and what does that poet say about eyes being the windows to the soul? Do I like him? Well, I didn't have to wait long to find out. The very next day when I turned on my phone, I had missed two calls and one text from him and felt nothing, not excitement or longing to reconnect. Actually, I did feel something, annoyance at having heard from him so quickly and in such hasty fashion. "That's it," I realized, "I'm just not into you..." Ahhh, sigh of relief, after realizing I won't have to sit through more "Americans are this way" speeches.

So, to "He," you are lovely, intelligent and I'm sure will make some woman (or man) very happy, but I'm not interested, no not even in friendship...Good luck in life and love.

NEXT! 

Requests From an Intern

Having been a registered intern for the past few years and worked in a variety of settings, I am surprised @ the amount of supervisor horror stories I have, both heard, and personally experienced.

The following is a list of requests for supervisors to consider:

1) Remember when you were an intern...
And working a number of odd jobs in order to support yourself through that unpaid internship? Yeah, I'm doing that right now. So, please take that into consideration when you text me @ 9:40pm about tomorrow's 7:30am meeting and don't act shocked when I am unable to make it...

2) I'm not 22...
And this isn't my first internship (or even career), so have someone else (or God-forbid, you) pick up the new plant for the office, 'cause hauling a lemon tree on Muni would be a bitch...

3) I know you have plenty of money...
And not just because you drive a BMW, but also because of the two months a year you take off for  vacation and those pictures of your trip to Bali you showed me on your iPad. So please don't charge me $60 a month for tea, 'cause even if you do spend that much (your fault), that's a week worth of groceries for me...

4) Seek out your own therapist (or consultation group)...
So I don't have to hear about your home foreclosure, asshole husband or how my friend's suicide affected you.

5) Help me find my own words...
Not try to make me a mini you. I get it, you're amazing & I should probably just refer all of my clients to you, but they can't afford you. And I only cost slightly more than a night out at the movies...

Thanks.