Turning 30 (Serious & Spiritual…Hey, I warned you :)

I turned 30 yesterday and have been having mixed feelings about it…Not so much about turning 30 itself, but being 30 and in my current situation (i.e. a single gal, with no hope in sight/credit card relying intern…really, need I say more?). My pity party lasted the good part of a week before I got over myself and realized how fortunate I am to be healthy/living in a wonderful city with amazing friends and a supportive family (…not so bad after all, aye?)

So to celebrate the big 3-0, a dear friend and I hiked out to the beach to have a little lunch and enjoy the beautiful weather (tank tops and sunshine in October!?!? Yes please :).  As I contemplated the last ten years of my life and all that took place, I began to think about my future too; hopefully a husband, some children, winning the lottery (the big one, not just a scratcher) and aging gracefully (think Demi Moore).  It was during this fantasy that an old belief popped up (an excuse really), something that I had been telling myself and others for a long time… “I’ll find a partner when I am leading the kind of life I want to be leading.” Variation “I need to be the person I want to be before I will find the husband/love I want.” Well, fuck that…

While standing at the mighty ocean’s edge, I began to think about her power and grace. Then it dawned on me, the ocean didn’t create her own water…it had to come from sky! (And I might add, sometimes travel a long way to get there…) Then once its time on earth is done, it returns to the sky only to be reborn again and become part of ocean once more. Repeat. A wave of relief washed over me as I applied this concept to my own life…it is part of the life cycle to be incomplete. Then we find friendships/relationships that feed us energy and provide us with that little something special that fulfills us so we can do our work and live our best life. A new belief began to take form, “I don’t have to wait until I am complete within myself/career/financially, but can continue to receive “rain” growing stronger, brighter and more me in a relationship.”  Well obviously, this new belief feels right and true…Now if I can only keep that old one from popping up again, as my dad would say, “Then, I’ll be in business…” 

Tales from the Nanny

After realizing how much money the government takes for taxes, I decided to work “under the table” as a nanny until I can get back on my feet (Don’t get your panties in a bunch IRS, this is a few hundred dollars we are talking about here).  But boy, I had no idea what I was getting into…

Finding gigs was actually pretty easy. With it being summer and all, families were in desperate need of coverage for nannies out on vacation, busy with summer internships or just because they needed a break from their own damn kids.

My first family had a little girl I will refer to as Boo-Boo Daddy (BBD) because she was just learning to talk and everything was BBD…I mean EVERYTHING. There would be times the precious little creature would be screaming BBD only for me to find out later that all she wanted was a glass of milk. Or another time when she decided she didn’t want to poop in her diaper, so she took it off and shit on the floor. Awesome, really fucking awesome.

I ended it with BBD because after four hours with the kid I would be so stressed out that I would have to immediately go home and smoke a cigarette then take a nap…The damn kid was just too overwhelming!

So, for my next family, I decided to try to take it down a notch. Something more mellow and more like my upbringing, so I set up a time to meet with a couple who are both therapists like me. I had a little bit of trouble finding their house and arrived about 5 minutes late (obviously not a good sign for someone you are thinking about hiring, but I was late nonetheless). Dad Therapist answered the door and lead me down a very cluttered hallway filled with boxes and I casually inquired, “Did you recently move in?” “Oh, no,” he replied, “We’ve lived here for years.”  As we turned the corner into the living room, I began to notice a smell, something like kitty litter and all that comes with it. “Do you have cats?” I inquired. “Oh, yes,” he said, “We have two. They are our other babies.” And proceeded to bore me with the names, ages and special talents of each critter. (Don’t get me wrong, I love animals and have lovely little fur ball of my own, but I think I was too overwhelmed with the stuff and smells to really take it in).

I tried to make my way to the sofa, but had a little trouble getting over/around the glorified play pen that had been set up for the little bundle of joy. “Probably to keep her away from the cat piss,” I thought.

As I waited for Daddy T to go get the rest of the crew, I took in the room and all of the stuff in it, ‘cause man, there was a LOT of stuff…probably not like a “Hoarders” amount of stuff, but pretty damn close. To make matters worse, none of the blinds or windows were open adding to the already claustrophobic feeling of the place and the smell.  “How do people live like this?” I wondered. Open a freaking window! Let some light in… The rest of the interview didn’t go any better and when I left, I didn’t even inquire as to when we would be speaking again. The thought of having to spend 8 hours a day in that room made me a nauseous…I was fucking outta there…

Luckily, not long after, I landed a gig with a wonderful family. Their little boy, who I will call Frog, is the sweetest, most lovable little boy on the planet…No joke, I just wanna hug ‘em and squeeze ‘em and kiss ‘em, but the kids gotta sleep and eat…so we just kick it. I find myself filled with gratitude on my early morning walks over to Frog’s house. Although we won’t be in each other’s lives for long, we will have spent just enough time together to make an impact on each other’s lives. I’ll teach him how to sneak on the back of the bus and his mommy will pay me enough money to pay my rent J