I turned 30 yesterday and have been having mixed feelings
about it…Not so much about turning 30 itself, but being 30 and in my current
situation (i.e. a single gal, with no hope in sight/credit card relying
intern…really, need I say more?). My pity party lasted the good part of a week
before I got over myself and realized how fortunate I am to be healthy/living
in a wonderful city with amazing friends and a supportive family (…not so bad
after all, aye?)
So to celebrate the big 3-0, a dear friend and I hiked out
to the beach to have a little lunch and enjoy the beautiful weather (tank tops
and sunshine in October!?!? Yes please :). As I contemplated the last ten years of my life and all that
took place, I began to think about my future too; hopefully a husband, some
children, winning the lottery (the big one, not just a scratcher) and aging
gracefully (think Demi Moore). It
was during this fantasy that an old belief popped up (an excuse really), something
that I had been telling myself and others for a long time… “I’ll find a partner
when I am leading the kind of life I want to be leading.” Variation “I need to
be the person I want to be before I will find the husband/love I want.” Well,
fuck that…
While standing at the mighty ocean’s edge, I began to think
about her power and grace. Then it dawned on me, the ocean didn’t create her
own water…it had to come from sky! (And I might add, sometimes travel a long
way to get there…) Then once its time on earth is done, it returns to the sky
only to be reborn again and become part of ocean once more. Repeat. A wave of
relief washed over me as I applied this concept to my own life…it is part of
the life cycle to be incomplete. Then we find friendships/relationships that
feed us energy and provide us with that little something special that fulfills
us so we can do our work and live our best life. A new belief began to take
form, “I don’t have to wait until I am complete within
myself/career/financially, but can continue to receive “rain” growing stronger,
brighter and more me in a relationship.” Well
obviously, this new belief feels right and true…Now if I can only keep that old
one from popping up again, as my dad would say, “Then, I’ll be in business…”
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